


By His Side

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: First Time, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Pre-Slash, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 17:35:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3258455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk is severely injured and during his recovery, Spock realizes the depth of his affections.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unbearable

**Author's Note:**

> Jim is severely injured during an away mission and incapacitated. During Jim's convalescence, Spock spends his spare time taking care of him and during that time, begins to realize his feelings for his captain run much deeper than he'd guessed. 
> 
> Warning: This fiction includes a laid up Captain Kirk who sustained multiple injuries in a shuttlecraft and since I am not a medical professional, there may be parts in this fic where those that are or have medical knowledge may have to suspend belief. If this is an issue for you, you may wish to skip this particular fiction

James T. Kirk, Captain, thank you very much, was bored out of his mind. He was in a hospital bed. A special one put in special quarters Leonard “Bones” McCoy, Chief Medical Officer, the bastard, had set him up in. He was not allowed to stay in his regular quarters. All access to any PADDs or terminals or communicators had been taken away from him. He had two buttons he could press. One went to Bones and one went to Spock, Commander, and first officer, and a big fat pain in the ass Vulcan.

Right then he hated both of them.

All right, so his shuttlecraft had been shot down by the Romulans and he’d had injuries to eighty percent of his body. Had barely survived. Was hanging by a thread by the time they found him. For the first two weeks he was in and out of consciousness.

Yeah, he’d heard all that from Bones and Spock.

Not to mention he was in pain. _A lot_.

He got pain meds, but it didn’t seem to matter. He hurt pretty much everywhere. His legs had been crushed. His ribs had been broken. He’d punctured a lung. He’d been burned, bruised, stabbed and impaled. Or was that the same thing? His head had been bashed in, too. A better question was what part of him hadn’t been injured.

Bones had told him the fleet wanted to transfer him to a starbase for treatment and relieve him of command…temporarily. Jim suspected temporarily would turn into a long time and they’d take the Enterprise away from him altogether and give him some other ship when he was finally ready to captain a ship again. Jim knew how it was.

But between Bones and Spock they’d talked the admiralty into allowing him to stay under these circumstances, with Spock taking on the role of acting Captain until further notice. Jim had since been in contact with the admiralty himself to discuss his situation. He’d been rather fortunate in that one of the admirals that had made the decision had particularly liked him after a very satisfactory affair a couple of years back. It could have gone the opposite way.

Bones had gone on about how it was a huge deal and Jim owed them very much for this special treatment. Jim believed him based on his discussions with the admiralty.

Jim still hated both of them right now.

“Good morning, Captain,” Nurse Chapel called cheerfully as she entered his quarters.

“Morning,” he muttered. He’d come to dread her visits. It wasn’t her fault. But he dreaded them nevertheless. “Can I get up now?”

She smiled gently. “Now you know that’s up to Dr. McCoy not me. And he still says no.”

Jim eyed her. She was a pretty blonde nurse. Once, he’d been told by Carol Marcus, he’d had a one-night stand with her, but the truth was he really didn’t remember her and Christine didn’t mention it to him either once she came on board the Enterprise. He’d been grateful that she hadn’t.

“Do you need your bedpan changed?” she asked him in that too bright voice.

Jim blanched. He was never prepared for that question. “No.”

“Are you certain? You can’t keep waiting for Leonard to come change it.”

“Can’t I?”

“Now, Captain, there’s nothing to be embarrassed by. I’ve seen far worse than urine and bowel movements, I assure you. It’s perfectly natural,” Christine told him as she came to his bed. “In fact, who do you think took care of you while you were unconscious for most of the first two weeks? And who gives you your sponge baths?”

He glared at her. And he hated every damn, horrible minute of that, too. “You do.”

“Then you’re being silly. Do you need it changed?”

Jim looked away. He hated this. So much. “Yes.”

She touched his arm gently. “It’s all right, Captain.”

He swallowed the lump threatening to form in his throat. God, he was so emotional these days. “Easy for you to say.”

Christine went about changing everything and then giving him another sponge bath. He knew he was red throughout the whole ordeal, but they both kept silent throughout.  

“Are you hungry?” she asked when all the unpleasantness was finished.

“Not really.”

“You barely touched your dinner last night. You have to keep up your strength, Captain, or your recovery could be longer.”

Jim sighed. “Christine, you’re worse than Bones.”

She laughed at that. “Maybe so. How about some oatmeal?”

“And some coffee?” he asked hopefully.

“Okay. Coming right up.”

Christine moved his bed so that he was sitting up and then she brought him his breakfast. He poked at the oatmeal, but drank the coffee. When she took it away, she shook her head, but said nothing further about it.

“Can I get you something to read, Captain?”

“I’d love my PADD.”

“I can’t. Leonard’s orders. I’ll look for some new books for you.” She studied him with a kind smile. “A pain shot?”

“Please.”

She pulled out a hypospray and placed it against his neck. She was gentler than Bones was.

“Thanks.”

“I’ll be back to check on you in a little bit. Leonard should be by soon.”

He nodded, but didn’t watch her leave. It was so damn lonely here.

He didn’t sleep with anyone normally. No one shared his quarters—and wasn’t that a depressing thought—but now, when he was isolated like this it just felt so much worse.

Of course he was giving into self-pity.

There was a slight beep just a second before his door slid open. Jim knew it meant someone was accessing his room. He expected it to be Bones, so was surprised when it was actually Spock. He had not seen his first officer in two days.

“Captain.”

Jim forced a smile. “I think you’re the captain. Right now anyway.”

Spock inclined his head. “You are still my captain.”

“What’s up? I need my PADD.”

Spock approached his bed and then brought a nearby chair closer. He sat. “You are currently not permitted to access your duties.”

“What if I promise not to do ship’s business?”

“We will not believe you.”

Jim let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m bored, Spock. I’m losing my fucking mind here. With just you and Bones and Christine as company.”

“Christine?”

“Nurse Chapel.”

“I see. I was unaware of the nurse who was assisting Dr. McCoy.”

“Been really busy?”

Spock nodded. “As you are aware it takes a lot of work to run the ship.”

“I could help.”

“Negative.”

Jim clenched his jaw. “But Uhura must be missing you?”

“Nyota is adjusting to the new duties and schedule the crew is forced to undertake while you are relieved of command.”

He’d said it all robotic-like and all it did was make Jim so very sad.

“You are unhappy,” Spock said softly.

“Would you be happy in these circumstances?”

“You are alive.”

“Big fucking deal. And little better than an invalid.”

“It is a big deal to the rest of us,” Spock replied. “We all feared you were dead. When you were rescued, we feared you would not survive.”

“Maybe that would have been a good thing.”

Spock straightened. “Explain.”

“Just…how many times can I cheat death?”

“As many times as is necessary,” was his clipped reply. Spock stood. “I am due on the bridge. I will return later.”

Jim shook his head. “You don’t have to.”

“I will, nevertheless.”

Jim turned away, unable to watch as yet another left him alone.


	2. Not Jealous

Spock left Captain Kirk’s medical quarters and headed to the turbolift to take him to the bridge.

He should have made the time earlier in the last couple of days to see the captain, but the truth was he hated seeing Kirk that way. It was an uncomfortable emotional response he was not proud of and one he intended to control going forward. It was clear the captain needed visitors.

The lift doors opened on the bridge and Spock stepped off.

Nyota was waiting for him and she pulled him aside before he could make it to the captain’s chair.

“How’s the captain?”

“He is suffering from depression at being incapacitated. I request that the bridge crew make attempts to visit him.”

Nyota nodded. “I definitely will. And you? How are you doing?”

“I am fine.”

“Are you?” She searched his face. “The extra shifts have to be taking their toll on you. You’re hardly sleeping, and I know you haven’t been meditating.”

Spock hesitated. “There has not been time. But my discomfort pales compared to the captain’s.”

She smiled. “I know. But you can’t exhaust yourself this way, Spock. That won’t help Kirk. Who is his nurse?”

“Nurse Chapel.”

“Oh.” Nyota nodded. “She’s very good. Plus she has a history with Kirk.”

Spock blinked. “A history?”

She shrugged. “That’s what Carol told me. That they had a thing at one time.”

Something twisted Spock’s gut. An unfamiliar unpleasantness. “I see.”

Nyota touched his arm. “He’ll be all right, Spock. Leonard said he’s getting better every day. I know this frustrates him. But he is improving.”

“Of course,” Spock acknowledged. He turned then and went to the captain’s chair. For a moment, he hesitated in sitting there. A completely illogical reaction of course. He’d taken the chair in the captain’s absence many times. Spock shook himself and sat.

“Ahead warp four, Mr. Sulu.”

“Aye, sir.”

****

Seven point three hours later, Spock entered the captain’s medical quarters. He was unsurprised to find Dr. McCoy in the room, but Dr. Marcus was also there, sitting in a chair by his bedside.

While it was true Spock wanted the crew to provide distraction for Kirk while he was unable to resume command, for some reason Spock found Dr. Marcus’ presence unwelcome.

Perhaps it was the way she gazed upon the captain, with barely contained adoration. That should not matter, Spock realized. And yet, it did.

“Hi, Spock,” the captain said.

“Oh, Mr. Spock, I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Dr. Marcus said, rising from her seat.

“You don’t have to,” Kirk said.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you with visitors.”

“She has a point,” Spock spoke up.

Dr. Marcus smiled, but it was directed toward Kirk. “I’ll come to see you tomorrow.”

“Thanks.”

She turned toward McCoy. “Thank you for indulging me with this long visit.”

“It’s good for him,” McCoy replied. He walked her to the door while Spock approached Kirk’s bed.

“How long was Dr. Marcus here?” he asked the captain.

“Hmm? I don’t know.  Time moves weird in here,” Kirk replied.

“It does not move any differently in this room than elsewhere, Captain. If you—”

“I know, Spock,” Kirk interrupted. “I just meant I lose track of time.”

Dr. McCoy returned from seeing Dr. Marcus out. “She was here for about an hour, Spock. As was I. I’ve got some other things to do, Jim. But I’ll be by to check on you later. Chapel will be back also.”

Kirk grimaced at that. “All right. See you, Bones.”

Spock waited for the doctor to leave before he sat in the seat recently vacated by Dr. Marcus. “You are unhappy with Nurse Chapel?”

“Not exactly.”

“Explain.”

Kirk’s eyebrows shot up. “That sounds almost like a demand.”

“It is a request for clarification.”

“It’s just, uh, well. She has to see me at my worse.”

“You have been injured. And that is her function as a nurse.”

“I know that. It still doesn’t make it comfortable for me. She fucking changes me and bathes me.” Kirk sighed. “I just hate the whole thing. If I could get up, I could at least take care of all that.”

Spock pursed his lips. “If she is not completing her tasks without making you uncomfortable—”

“It’s not her, Spock. It’s me. She hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“Do you feel more uncomfortable with her as your caregiver given your romantic history?” Spock asked, wishing to understand.

Kirk blinked, then shook his head. “Romantic history? I didn’t have a romantic history with her.”

“I was given to understand otherwise.”

“Listening to gossip, Mr. Spock?”

“I…no.”

The captain laughed. “I guess I slept with her. Once. But we don’t have a history romantically speaking, and that goes for both of us. Trust me.”

Since he did trust the captain, Spock nodded. “Very well. Nevertheless, I am certain other arrangements can be made if it is truly making it more unpleasant for you.”

“It’s fine.” He eyed Spock. “How’s the ship?”

“Running at optimum efficiency.”

“I have no doubt of that with you as her captain.” Kirk smiled faintly. “Sorry I was a bit grumpy earlier.”

“I did not notice,” Spock said.

“Sure.” He laughed. “No wonder Vulcans don’t lie. They’re really bad at it. You should, you know, go and spend some time with Uhura or something. Stop wasting your time in here.”

“I do not consider spending time with you wasting it. Nyota is aware of my interest in your recovery.”

“The sooner I get better the sooner I can be in command again and free up your time,” Kirk said with a nod. “That makes sense.”

Of course that was not it at all, but Spock did not correct him.

“You look really tired, Spock,” Kirk said softly. “Have you been taking care of yourself?”

“Yes.”

“As I said, bad liars. What if I ordered you to go get some rest?”

“You are not currently in command.”

Kirk rolled his eyes. “You’re really stubborn.”

“Indeed. When was the last time you ate?”

“I don’t know.”

Spock rose. “Then it is time. What do you require?”

“I don’t require anything.”

“It is my understanding you are still on soft foods.” Spock went to the replicator and obtained what passed for vanilla pudding and mashed potatoes. He brought it to his captain along with a spoon.

Kirk grimaced. “Fine.”

Spock waited for the captain to take a bite. With a sigh and a bit of a glare, Kirk finally dipped his spoon into the mashed potatoes. Spock was gratified.


	3. Bad Reaction

Spock had been visiting with him for about ten minutes when Jim pushed away the mashed potatoes he’d been attempting to eat at Spock’s request. His stomach twisted and suddenly he had an overwhelming urge to vomit.

“You have not finished your food,” Spock spoke up.

“I…know. I don’t want anymore.”

“You are very pale.”

“Spock, take it away. Take it away. Now.”

Spock stood and removed the tray of food just as Jim couldn’t keep the rise of vomit from his throat from spilling out all over the front of his shirt. His whole body clenched and more vomit rose into his mouth and he expelled that, too.

Suddenly Spock was there again putting a round, deep container into his hands. Jim threw up into it over and over again. He vaguely heard Spock calling for Bones to return to Jim’s room at once.

Jim closed his eyes and gave into the misery consuming him. His gut clenched repeatedly and every part of him throbbed with pain. If he was dying he hoped it would happen soon.

And then Bones was there, touching his forehead with cool fingers and jabbing his neck with one of his famous hyposprays. Jim’s stomach heaved two more times and then he finally felt the urge to puke his guts out slowly recede.

“What the fuck was that?” he whispered as Bones took away the bucket he was throwing up in.

“Bad reaction to the pain medicine you took,” Bones declared. “Sorry, Jim.”

“Damn allergies,” Jim muttered, leaning back and closing his eyes.

“How do you feel now?” Bones asked.

“Like my gut’s inside out. And every bone and muscle in my body hurts like I’m being stabbed, crushed or burned. Depending on where on me it is.”

“You expelled all of the contents of your stomach,” Spock said.

“No kidding.”

“Perhaps some other pain medication should be found for the captain, doctor.”

“You think?” Bones asked sarcastically. “Jim’s hard to treat. You never know what he’s going to react to. Now, if you want to appoint yourself his treating physician, Spock, go right ahead.”

“If my current duties as acting captain did not prevent it, I would indeed do so, since it does seem as though you are incapable.”

“Guys,” Jim said, wearily. “You’re giving me a headache.”

“All right, Jim, let me get Chapel in here to clean you up,” Bones said gently.

“That is not necessary,” Spock said stiffly. “I will clean up the captain.”

“You?”

“Yes, doctor. He only soiled his shirt, it will be simple enough.”

“Well.” Bones sounded hesitant. “I was in the middle of treating a couple of ensigns from Engineering who got burned.”

Jim waved. “Go ahead, Bones. I’m sure between me and Spock, we’ll manage.”

“Call me if he has any other symptoms,” Bones ordered Spock.

“I would not do otherwise, doctor.”

“All right. I’ll check back with you later, Jim.” Bones squeezed Jim’s shoulder. “Just a little longer before you can start getting up, Jim.”

Jim tried to smile, but it was damn hard and anyway he no doubt looked like hell. He closed his eyes and leaned back in the bed after Bones left.

A moment later he opened his eyes when he felt Spock’s presence next to the bed. He peered at Spock.

“I have brought you a mouth rinse,” Spock said, handing him a small cup.

“Thanks.” He downed the blue substance and swished it around his mouth, then spit it back into the cup.

Spock took the cup and set it aside. To Jim’s surprise, Spock began to wipe Jim’s face around his mouth.

“I can do that,” Jim protested.

“There is no need. Did you get it anywhere else on your face or in your hair?”

Jim felt himself turn a little red. “You tell me.”

Spock’s gaze flitted across Jim’s and then down to his throat. He then gazed into Jim’s eyes again and for some reason Jim’s chest tightened.

“I will help you change your shirt.”

Jim nodded even as Spock reached for the hem of Jim’s T-shirt. Jim tried to do it himself but Spock would have none of it and the shirt was yanked over Jim’s head in only seconds. He frowned.

“I could have done that.”

Spock merely arched a brow. “I will make certain Yeoman Rand has it laundered.”

He then took the damp cloth he had used to wipe Jim’s face and wiped at Jim’s chest. His movements were quick and efficient, nothing sexual at all, yet Jim was burning with shame as his body reacted to Spock’s touch. Jim was very thankful the blankets covered his lower half. Spock didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary.

“I will be back with a clean shirt,” Spock promised. He picked up the spit cup and disappeared into the bathroom connected to the quarters.

Jim, of course, had been confined to the bed by his so-called best friend and had yet to become acquainted with the facilities.    

Spock returned after a moment with a soft blue T-shirt which he helped Jim into without comment. Then he returned to the chair by Jim’s bed. “Is there anything you require, Captain?”

“No. Look, Spock, I know you have a lot of duties right now, there’s no reason to add me to the list.”

“You are not a duty, Captain.”

“Well, okay, but I don’t want to take you away from somewhere you’re needed.”

“Currently, I am off duty, so there is nowhere I need to be.”

Jim studied his first officer. “Nowhere? What about—what about Uhura?”

“Nyota has other matters to occupy her time and does not require my presence.”

“Okay.”

“I am aware you are not prepared to eat, but perhaps a glass of water or a cup of tea?”

Jim shook his head. “If you don’t mind I’m going to try to sleep. Will you lower the bed?”

Spock rose and pressed the button that would lower Jim’s bed flat. “I will watch over you until you fall asleep.”

Jim smiled a little. “Did you really think I was dead?”

“Affirmative. Or more accurately, there was barely any life signs when we found the wreckage. You were the only survivor. And even with you, you were barely clinging to life.”

Jim nodded and closed his eyes. “The loss of crew.”

“I notified their families.”

“Thanks for that.”

“It was the least I could do,” Spock said quietly. “Sleep, Jim.”

He nodded again and tried to ignore all the pain wracking through his body.


	4. A Break

When Spock entered his quarters it was to find Nyota lounging on his couch wearing a nightgown and robe. He tried to hide his displeasure but given Nyota’s frown he did not succeed.

“I did not expect you, Nyota.”

She rose from the couch. “I can tell. I thought after your long day I’d offer you a massage.” She came to him and reached for his shoulders. “You’re very tense. Why don’t you sit?”

Spock sat in the chair she indicated, though in truth he would rather meditate.

“How’s Kirk?”

“He had an unfortunate reaction to pain medication prescribed by Dr. McCoy.”

“Oh? That’s too bad. He does have a lot of allergies. Is he better now?”

“He seemed to be. When I left his room, he was sleeping.”

“Good. That gives you a little break.”

“I do not need a break, Nyota. Ensuring the captain’s recovery will relieve me of extra duties and return him to command.”

“We all want that.” She began to rub his neck and shoulders vigorously. “Of course you need a break. You need to relax and have time away from duties, either to the ship or to Kirk. I know he is your friend. I care about him, too, Spock. But you have to stop blaming yourself.”

“Blaming myself?”

“I know it was supposed to be you in the shuttle, but you asked the captain to go when you had that accident in the lab.”

“It could not be helped.”

“I know that. But you’re blaming yourself, anyway.” She sighed. “You’re so tense and not relaxing at all.” She came to stand in front of him. “What’s going on, Spock?”

“Clarify.”

“You’re broadcasting loud and clear that you didn’t want to see me tonight,” Nyota said quietly. “And even before all this…we haven’t made love in well over a month.”

“I have been otherwise occupied.”

“With him.”

“Him?”

“Kirk. Even before he got injured, you were spending a lot of time with him. Chess matches. Meetings.”

“Ship business comes before leisure time.”

Nyota sighed again. “I’m not blind. I see the appeal.”

“I do not understand.”

“I think you do, Spock. Bright blue eyes, dashing smile, charm and arrogance. There’s hardly anyone on the ship who doesn’t have a little crush on Kirk. If I told you to stop spending time with Kirk, you wouldn’t do it, would you?”

“I dislike ultimatums, Nyota.”

“So do I. I’m not going to give one to you. But I do think maybe you and I need to take a break.”

“A break.”

“When and if you can focus on anyone other than Jim Kirk, you let me know,” she said softly. She smiled a little. “But I’m not going to hold my breath over that, Spock. I’ll always love you. You make it impossible not to. And I think in your own way you even love me a little.”

“Nyota—”

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. Part of me knew this time would come even before we stopped making love. I see the way you look at him. Have looked at him since almost the beginning. I’m not sure you ever looked at me that way.” Nyota leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

When she slipped out of his quarters, Spock remained seated for a moment while he contemplated all that Nyota had said.

It was true that he blamed himself for the captain’s injuries for Spock himself had been scheduled to be in the landing party and not Kirk. It was logical to blame himself to an extent.

And Kirk was his friend, which was why he spent time playing chess with him. Did he have more tender feelings toward his captain? Spock knew his place was by Kirk’s side, if that is what Nyota meant.

He rose to meditate. Then he would sleep a few hours before his next shift.

****

“You’re not having bowel movements,” Bones announced, without warning and a scowl on his face, the minute he walked into Jim’s room.

“Good morning,” Jim said with forced lightness.

Bones narrowed his eyes. “Don’t change the subject.”

“As far as I’m concerned there is no subject.”

His friend sighed and sat on the edge of his raised hospital bed. “Look, kid, you agreed to cooperate here. That’s how you got to stay on the Enterprise during your recovery in the first place.”

“Nope. You and Spock arranged that while I was lying unconscious.”

“Are you objecting? Did you want to be moved off the ship?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then stop being so damn obstinate.”

Jim smirked. “You think I’m refusing to take a crap out of spite?”

Bones grinned. “I wouldn’t put it past you. But I know you haven’t been eating much.”

“I puked up the food yesterday, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah. If you can’t keep the soft foods down and start doing regular business down there, I’m going to have to put you back on a liquid feeding tube.”

Jim blanched, his stomach flipping just thinking about it. “I wish you wouldn’t.”

“I don’t want to. I want you to make progress, Jim, not go backwards.” Bones stroked Jim’s hair off his forehead. “I’m going to try—”

“Doctor.”

They both jumped a little and glanced at where Spock stood just inside the door of Jim’s quarters.

“Hello, Spock. Don’t you have a shift to get to?” Bones asked.

“I have a few moments and decided to check on the captain.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “As I was saying before the hobgoblin interrupted, I’m going to try some new pain medication on you in a little bit, but I want you to have your breakfast first. You want oatmeal?”

Jim wrinkled his nose. “How about some yogurt?”

Bones nodded. “All right.” He rose from the bed and went to the replicator. He handed Jim a small bowl of a white creamy substance a minute later. Bones glanced at Spock, who stood close by, his hands clenched behind his back. “I’ll be back in about a half an hour.”

“How’s the ship?” Jim asked after Bones left.

“It is fine.”

“Good.” Jim took a bite of the sour yogurt. “What’s on your mind?”

“You are engaged in a romantic relationship with Dr. McCoy?”

Jim choked. “I…what?”

“He was stroking your hair. Is that not considered an intimacy between couples?”

Jim blinked several times. “Uh. No. I mean, sometimes, yeah. But not always. And certainly not with Bones. It was a brotherly gesture.”

Spock tilted his head. “You are not brothers.”

“No, but kind of. Close enough.” Jim cleared his throat. “Anyway. No, Spock. Bones and I are friends. Nothing more. Romantically anyway.”

“And Dr. Marcus?”

Now Jim laughed. “What?”

Spock turned a very light shade of green. “She seems particularly enamored of your charms.”

“You think I have charms?”

“I did not say so.”

“You kind of did.”

Spock stiffened. “I most certainly did not.”

Jim sighed. “Don’t worry, Spock, even if you do find me charming I’m not going to pounce on you. I’m sort of in a condition right now that prevents pouncing.”

“My apologies. How are you feeling?”

“Like my limbs are going to detach from my body,” Jim said honestly.

Spock took a step closer. “I do not like that.”

“Me either, Spock, believe me. All that puking last night didn’t do me any good, that’s for sure.” He took another bite of yogurt.

“Perhaps I could help in some way.”

“You’re already doing enough.” Pain shot up his leg and he sucked in a breath. Spock took another step forward, his hand reaching out, for what, Jim didn’t know. “It’s fine. That one just surprised me.”

“There are pain management methods I as a Vulcan could—”

Jim shook his head. “No, Spock. Bones will get me the right medication and it will be manageable. I don’t want you doing more than you already are.”

“Very well.” Spock managed to look unhappy without his expression changing at all. “It is time for me to go to the bridge.”

Jim put on his fake smile. Very practiced at it, was he. “Thanks for coming by.”

“Yes, Captain.”

After Spock left, Jim forced himself to eat the rest of the yogurt. He had the urge to pee and he stared longingly at the door to the bathroom, but then the catheter did its job and Jim grimaced. He really, really needed to get out of this damn bed.


	5. Vulcan Pain Management

Jim closed his eyes as Nurse Chapel finished attending him.

“Captain? Jim?” Her voice was unbearably gentle.

Jim opened his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Are you all right? You’re very quiet today. Do you need more pain medication?”

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Did you want something else to eat? You barely touched your chicken broth.”

He snorted. “Is that what that was supposed to be? Tasted like sweat.”

She smiled. “I doubt that. You really need to try and eat more.”

“I have brought him Plomeek soup.”

Jim looked up in surprise just as Nurse Chapel turned to see Spock standing by his bed holding a tray with a bowl on it.

“You brought me soup?”

“Indeed.”

Chapel frowned. “I didn’t know Plomeek soup was programmed into the replicators.”

“It is not.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened for a second and then she nodded. “I’ll come back later to check on you, Captain.”

When Chapel had left, Spock approached with the tray and set it before Jim.

“I am told humans find the taste bland, however, it may be preferable to the taste of sweat.”

Jim grinned. “Thanks. Have a seat.” His smile faltered. “Or do you have to go?”

“I have a few minutes.” Spock pulled up his usual seat and sat.

Jim picked up the spoon Spock supplied and dipped it in the soup. “How’s the ship?”

“Adequate. How is your pain?”

“Tolerable.”

Spock studied him. “You are lying.  I see the signs of strain and distress around your eyes, around your mouth. Dr. McCoy’s latest attempt at pain medication was not successful?”

“They worked okay.” Jim took a spoonful of the soup. He swallowed. “Not bad. Definitely better than Christine’s broth. Did you make this?”

“It was a small matter.” Spock paused. “Jim.”

He laughed. “Am I worse off than I thought? You’re calling me Jim.”

But Spock, of course, did not crack a smile. “Why are you avoiding your pain medication?”

Jim sighed. “It’s just…that kind of stuff you can get addicted to pretty quickly and I come from a family of addicts.” He shrugged. “I don’t want to come to rely on it to get through the day.”

“I am certain that Dr. McCoy will not allow that to happen.”

“It’s better this way.” Jim ate a few more bites of the soup.

“You are in pain.”

“Yeah, I am. It fucking hurts. Everywhere.” Jim sighed. “But I’ll make it through it.”

“I can ease your suffering.”

“How exactly?”

Spock stood and then moved closer, sitting on the edge of the bed, close to Jim. He held up his hand toward Jim’s face. “Will you allow me to touch your mind?”

“Like a meld?”

“Negative. More shallow and your thoughts would be your own. This will not harm you.”

“And you?”

“I am Vulcan,” was Spock’s answer. “Allow me to help.”

Jim bit his lip, but nodded.

Spock’s hand pressed to his face and Jim braced himself, expecting the unpleasantness he’d experienced with the elder Spock, but it was only a slight pressure, he got absolutely no thoughts from Spock, and then it was over and Spock was pulling away.

“Captain?”

The pain was definitely less. Not gone, but dulled considerably. He smiled. “Better. Thank you.”

Spock inclined his head. “I urge you to discuss your concerns with Dr. McCoy. It does not make sense for you to be in pain if you can have something to help you.”

“Yeah, okay. And thanks for that. And the soup. It’s good. You’re a pretty good nurse, Spock,” Jim joked.

“Is the care being provided you by Nurse Chapel inadequate?”

“What? No. She’s fine. I told you that before.”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

“Hey, listen, if you’re not too busy, after your shift, maybe you could bring a chess set here,” Jim suggested, hating the way too hopeful note he heard in his own voice.

“I will.”

“I don’t want to take you away from other things. If Uhura—”

“Nyota will offer no objection.”

Jim blinked. For a moment his heart leapt in his chest with something close to hope at the tone Spock had used. Almost as if maybe they weren’t together anymore. But then he squelched that right away. Spock hadn't said anything of the sort. And even if Spock was not with Uhura, it didn’t mean he’d want Jim.

“Oh.” Jim nodded and licked his lips. “Good. I look forward to it.”

“As do I.” Spock stood up then. “You should finish your soup. I will return after shift with the chess set.”

Jim nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Spock. Appreciated.”

“Good day, Captain.”

Jim sighed and closed his eyes as he heard the door of his medical quarters close.    


	6. Leonard's News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter from Dr. McCoy

There was no one Leonard was closer to really. No one on Earth, no one in the Universe. Leonard was fairly certain if Jim had died, what remained of Leonard’s enjoyment of life would be greatly diminished.

Being the CMO on Jim’s ship made space tolerable.

And so with a very heavy heart he went to have the conversation with his best friend he absolutely did not want to have.

Jim was sitting up, looking off to the side at God knew what, but he turned to look when Leonard entered his room. Jim took one look at Leonard and the smile that was about to form slipped completely from his face.

“What is it?” Jim asked softly.

Leonard sat on the edge of his bed, close enough to touch. “Now, it’s not as bad as all that. You aren’t dying.”

Jim’s face didn’t change. “It’s something bad.”

Leonard sighed. “You’re not getting better fast enough. I thought…with that super blood in you, but no. If anything you’re relapsing a bit. Your vitals are all over the place. Your organs aren’t reacting the way they should. Your white cell count is low.”

Jim bit his lip. “What does this all mean, Bones?”

“Honestly? I should transfer you off the ship to the starbase like they wanted or even better Earth where you can get better care than what we can do for you here.”

“What? No.”

“It would be different if we had some more serum from Khan available here. But we don’t. And really, if you want to know the truth, it’s what saved you from dying in that shuttlecraft in the first place. Your injuries would have been fatal to most men, Jim.”

“They were that bad?”

Leonard reached for Jim’s hand, held it. “They were pretty bad, Jim. I thought the blood would help you fight all this faster and maybe we could get you to recover here on the ship, but it’s not working out that way. I guess it’s too diluted at this point. I had to give you another transfusion. And I didn’t have any of that serum.”

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “The thing is you’re really vulnerable to infections the way you are and—”

He was dismayed to see the tears welling in Jim’s eyes. It caused an immediate reaction in Leonard, who choked up.

“Now come on, don’t get so upset.”

“Bones, please. Please don’t send me off the ship. We-we both know if you do, they’ll take the Enterprise away from me. She’s all I have. I can’t lose her, Bones. I can’t.”

“Jim, now come on. It’s not as bad as that,” Leonard said, when tears started streaming down Jim’s face. With a sigh, he leaned forward and embraced his friend. “Come on, darlin, it’s gonna be okay.”

Jim buried his face in Leonard’s neck and continued to cry quietly. Eventually he pulled away, his blue eyes wet and red. “Whatever it is I have to do to get better, I’ll do it. I don’t care what it is. Bones, please.”

“Using those baby blues on me is unfair,” Leonard said. “Okay. We won’t send you off the ship. And we’ll get you better. We will.”

Jim nodded, tears still streaming down his face. “Thank you. I just-I know the brass, Bones. They’d take her away. I’d never get her back. Spock would be captain or someone else. I don’t know. I can’t handle that. She’s my ship.”

“I know, Jim. She is your ship.” Leonard released him. “And I could strangle the hobgoblin.”

“Spock? Why?”

“You weren’t even supposed to be on the shuttle, Jim.”

“No, no, Bones. Don’t go there.”

“Jim—”

“No, Bones. If Spock had been on that shuttle and died…” Jim shook his head. “No. I would die a hundred times if Spock were safe.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Leonard grumbled. “No one dies a hundred times.”

“You know what I mean. I’d give up my life for Spock’s.”

Leonard frowned. “You and that love of the hobgoblin.”

“I do love him, Bones. And I probably will for the rest of my life,” Jim admitted. “But it’s more than that. I’d give up my life for you too.”

He looked away for a moment, making sure he had himself under control. When he had it together, he turned back to Jim. “Right back at you, Jim. But hell, no one’s giving up their damn life for anyone. You hear me?”

Jim smiled a little and it was something Leonard was glad to see. “I hear you.”

“We’ll figure this out, Jim. Even if I have to go get more super blood,” Leonard promised, though he knew very well he had absolutely no authority to do any such thing. “Now what’s this I hear about you refusing pain medication?”

Jim scowled. “Spock tell you that?”

“He may have mentioned it in a report.”

“He’s fucking filing reports on me?” Jim rolled his eyes.

“Now, Jim, he’s concerned like everyone else. And you’re evading and don’t think I don’t know your methods. Why are you not taking the stuff?”

“I should be able to do this without being hopped up on shit like that.”

“You’ll get there, Jim. You aren’t there now. I’m watching you. Christine is watching you. Even the hobgoblin is. We’ll be careful.”

Jim sighed and leaned his head back. “Okay, doc.”

Leonard squeezed Jim’s arm and stood. “I’ve got a hypo handy right now and I want you to rest, all right? You aren’t sleeping well. And yeah, I know, it’s the pain. This should help.” He pulled out his hypo and gently pushed it into Jim’s neck.

Jim eyed him. “You were nicer than usual. Are you sure I’m not dying?”

Leonard wanted to laugh, make a wise crack like he usually did. But he’d nearly lost his best friend…again. So instead he patted Jim’s head. “You’re not dying. Go to sleep.”

Leonard lowered Jim’s bed, resisted the urge to tuck him in, and had the computer turn down the lights as he left the medical quarters.


	7. Infection

Honestly Leonard should have known. He did know. It was just that he’d let Jim’s affection for the hobgoblin make him forget himself for just a moment.

“Did you hear what I said, Spock?” Leonard demanded of the stoic, blank-faced Vulcan standing in front of Leonard’s desk in sickbay.

He’d called Spock in to tell him that Jim wasn’t improving as fast as Leonard had hoped, that in fact, Jim’s current tests indicated he might be on his way to having an infection which could make Jim’s recovery very difficult.

“I have no trouble hearing, doctor.”

“That’s it? That’s your reaction?” Leonard stared at him, with his mouth hanging open he knew. “I just told you that Jim is not getting better and is showing signs of having a life threatening infection.”

Spock stood there, arms behind his back. “What reaction had you hoped for, doctor?”

“Some indication that there’s life inside you. That you actually have a beating heart and that you aren’t some tin man waiting for his oil can.”

“Since you have examined me more than once, I can only conclude you are well aware that I have a beating heart, doctor.”

Leonard glared. “I thought if there was anyone on this ship you cared about even a little bit, it would be Jim.”

“My personal opinions of the captain are irrelevant, doctor. They will not affect the outcome of his condition. I presume as you are his physician that you will do all that you can to see to his full recovery.”

“Of course I will!”

“Then, as acting captain, that is all I can expect in the current situation.”

“You just…I just.” Leonard sputtered to a stop. “You astound me.”

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t meant as a compliment,” Leonard mumbled. “I can see why Uhura broke up with you. Heartless, green-blooded—”

“If you are through,” Spock interrupted, “I have somewhere else to be.”

Leonard waved his hand. “Please. I think I’ve definitely seen enough of you.” He sighed when Spock left and rose to look at Jim’s test results again.

****

Spock accessed Jim’s medical quarters as quietly as possible. If the captain were sleeping, Spock did not intend to disturb him. On the other hand, he wanted to see Jim to ascertain his condition for himself.

He’d brought the chess set with him, but upon entry he realized Jim was indeed sleeping, so he set it aside and approached the bed.

Jim’s skin was flushed red and sweat beaded on his forehead. Hesitating only a moment, Spock touched the tips of his fingers to Jim’s cheek. His flesh was burning up. No doubt about it. Dr. McCoy’s infection had come to pass. He pulled out his PADD from underneath his arms and tapped a quick message to the doctor.

Jim’s lashes lifted and he was suddenly staring at Spock.

“Captain,” Spock said softly.

“Hey.”

“How do you feel?”

Jim licked his lips. “Kind of cold.”

Spock nodded. “Wait here.”

He went into another part of the room where he knew there were additional blankets. He returned to Jim and tucked them all around him.

“Is that better?”

“Yeah, thanks. Are you here for chess?”

“I was, but I think we will have to postpone our game for just a little bit.”

Jim frowned. “Why?”

“I believe you have a fever. Dr. McCoy is on his way.”

“A fever?” There was definite alarm in Jim’s voice and a vague sense of panic in his blue eyes.

“Yes. But Dr. McCoy should have something for it.”

“Jesus. Not something else. Bones already told me I should have died in that accident.”

“I am just as glad you did not,” Spock replied.

Jim smiled. “You don’t want to be permanent captain?”

“Negative. I am satisfied with science officer and first officer.”

“Well, still, if I die, you might have no choice.”

“You are not dying.”

“I might be.”

“You are not and I refuse to discuss it.”

Jim sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m still cold.”

“Computer, raise temperature ten degrees.”

Jim nodded. “Thanks.”

The door opened and Dr. McCoy walked in.

He glanced at Spock as he approached Jim’s bed. “I’ve got this. You can go.”

“I would prefer to stay.”

“Well, I’d prefer—”

“Bones, let him stay. I want him here.”

“Fine.” McCoy glared in Spock’s direction. He turned back to Jim and his gaze instantly softened. “You got an infection, kid.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Not your fault.” McCoy soothed. “But I have to inject you and it’s gonna hurt a little and it might cause you a bit of an unsettled stomach.”

Spock had an urge to go to Jim and…what he did not know. But the urge was there, so he watched intently as Dr. McCoy cooed nonsense words at their captain as he pushed a hypospray into Jim’s neck. He stepped forward without hardly realizing it when Jim moaned in response. His fists clenched.

“That’s it. It’s over,” Dr. McCoy told Jim. “The fever should reduce soon.”

“That’s it?” Jim asked.

“No. I’ll have to be giving you a few more of those shots until we can get rid of what’s tearing through your body, Jim. I’m sorry.”

Jim nodded. “It’s fine.” His expression proved, however, that it was anything but fine.

“I’ll have Christine come in and sit with you. Keep an eye on you.”

“Is that really necessary?”

“Just for the first few hours,” McCoy said.

“I will stay with the captain,” Spock spoke up.

McCoy glanced at him. “You?”

Spock stiffened. “Yes. If there are hypos or other medicines he requires, I am capable of administering them. It happens that I am currently off shift and have nowhere else I need to be.”

McCoy opened his mouth, no doubt to protest, but Jim interrupted.

“I want Spock to stay, Bones.”

The doctor exhaled very slowly but then nodded. “All right, fine. But if there’s any change you call me immediately.”

“Of course.”

“Jim, if you need anything, you have Spock call me,” McCoy said, turning back to the captain.

“Okay. I just want to sleep. And get warmer.”

McCoy placed a hand on Jim’s face. “I know. You’ll feel better soon, Jim.”

Jim nodded and his eyes fluttered closed.

When the doctor had left, Spock pulled up a chair next to Jim’s bed. “Computer, raise temperature ten degrees,” he ordered again.

Jim’s eyes half opened. “You don’t–you don’t have to stay.”

“I want to.”

“’Kay. Gonna sleep.”

“I will be here,” Spock assured him. And as Jim drifted off to sleep, Spock attempted to meditate as best he could under his current conditions.


	8. Emotional Compromise

“The captain is sleeping,” Spock informed Nyota as he stepped outside the medical quarters to speak with her.

“I was just trying to visit him as I think you recommended we do. Are you acting as Kirk’s security guard now, Spock?” She had her hands on her hips in an aggressive stance Spock had never cared for.

“If I must. I do not wish for him to be disturbed. He has an infection and a high fever.”

Her expression softened. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I do not know,” Spock regretfully admitted. “His injuries have weakened his condition and caused him to be more susceptible.”

“You’re really worried about him, aren’t you?”

“Dr. McCoy appears to take it very seriously.”

She placed her hand on his arm. “You love him, don’t you?”

Spock did not reply. There was little point in denying his feelings, not to Nyota, who had always been very perceptive.

“Are you going to tell him?” she asked quietly.

He shook his head. “He has enough burdens to deal with at the moment.”

“Spock, your caring for him is not a burden.”

“You must allow me to go forward as I see fit without interference.”

Nyota sighed. ”I’m not going to interfere, Spock. I just…you should tell him.  Think about it at least, okay?”

“Very well. Now I must return to him. I will tell him you came by.”

“Okay.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek. Then she turned and left the corridor.

Spock re-entered the quarters and re-locked the access, restricting it to only himself and medical personnel. Jim still lay sleeping, though fitfully. It was time to give him another injection of the medicine McCoy had left for his infection.

He pulled out the hypospray and injected it into Jim’s neck as gently as he could. Still Jim gasped and his eyelids flew open.

“Spock?” Jim gazed at Spock with glazed pain-filled eyes.

“Yes, Jim.”

Jim swallowed. “Thirsty.”

“I will be right back.”

Spock returned a moment later with a glass of water. He raised the bed so that Jim could sit up while drinking it.

“I apologize for hurting you,” Spock said quietly.

“They always sting a bit but damn that one is really bad,” Jim admitted. He rubbed at the injection spot. “How long was I out?”

“Five hours, three minutes, twenty three point two seconds.”

“Feels like I've been out for days.” Jim gulped down several mouthfuls of water.

Spock tested Jim’s temperature with the medical tricorder the doctor had left with him. “Your fever has decreased but you still have one.”

“That’s good, I guess, huh?”

“Yes. Are you still cold?”

“Not so much, no.”

“Do you desire more?” Spock asked as Jim emptied the water glass.

“Yeah, please. Thanks.”

Spock returned with more. “Are you hungry? I believe the doctor advised you could have chicken or beef broth. Low sodium.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. How about the chicken?”

When Spock returned, Jim had finished the second glass of water. Spock handed him the mug of broth.

Jim smiled a little, which was welcome. “You don’t have to stay with me. You must have other things to do.”

“I do not.”

“How about sleep? Come on, Spock, you’re off shift to rest yourself not take care of me.”

“I would find my mind occupied with concern for you and would find sleep difficult under those circumstances. Vulcans need less sleep than humans.”

“Concern for me, huh?” Jim smiled a little more as he lifted the mug to his lips. “Bones must have really made it sound dire if even you’re concerned.”

“Infections of this nature can be quite serious. I am gratified your fever has decreased,” Spock replied.

“Me too.” Jim took several more sips of the broth before handing it back to Spock, not quite finished.

“Nyota came by to see you. She wishes you well in your recovery.”

Jim nodded. “That was nice of her.”

“The crew is pleased with you as their captain.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, anyway. If I…If I don’t make it—”

Spock’s blood turned cold. “You will make it. I will not entertain any discussion otherwise.”

Jim sighed. “Okay, Spock.”

“It is time for you to rest.” Spock lowered the bed until Jim lay flat again. Blue eyes stared at him intently. They were a little clearer than before for which Spock was relieved.

He put his hand to Jim’s forehead before logic could prevent such an action. The skin to skin contact was a welcome connection but he could also feel that Jim was swathed in anxiety, pain, and sorrow. He dropped his hand away.

“Jim—”

Suddenly Jim stiffened, his eyes widened in something close to horror, and his body began first to tremble uncontrollably and then lurch off the bed, seizing before Spock’s eyes.

Spock went to the comm. “Dr. McCoy, report to the captain. He is having a seizure.”

And then he waited, trying to calm the rapid beating of his own heart as he was forced to watch Jim thrashing and shaking without being able to do anything.


	9. Cherish

“Shh, shh, it’s all right, Jim,” Bones said, his voice soothing.

Jim’s chest was heaving with the effort to breathe but the hypospray Bones had just injected in him had stopped his body from jumping uncontrollably.

Bones sat on the bed and pushed Jim’s hair off his forehead. “Okay, breathe for me, Jim. Come on, darlin’. You can do it.”

Jim shook his head.

“Yes, you can.” Bones injected him again. “Breathe in. That’s right. There you go.”

Jim gasped. His lungs hurt. His whole body ached and it felt like he was being poked with a million pins. His eyes filled with tears.

“Now, now, it’s going to be fine. No need for tears.”

“Doctor, I must excuse myself,” Spock said from somewhere in the room and Jim heard him leave.

He closed his eyes, humiliated. Spock couldn’t stand the sight of Jim crying like some weak baby and he’d fled as fast as he could. Jim just wanted to die.

“Hey, hey.” Bones was petting him.

Jim shook his head, opened his eyes, and wiped angrily at them. “Fuck.”

“You want to sit up?”

“Yeah.”

Bones moved the bed until Jim was sitting up. “Better?”

“Yeah, I guess. What the hell was that?”

“Your fever spiked. We have to keep it down. Your infection isn’t improving as fast as it should.” Bones shook his head. “Don’t look like that. It’s improving, just not as fast as I’d like is all. I’m a perfectionist. We’ll give you a higher dose. I’ll get it out of you, Jim.”

Jim nodded, but he was furious when he felt more tears coming. “God, damn it. Why am I being like this?”

“Like what?”

“I’m crying like some idiot. Even Spock couldn’t take it.”

“Spock?”

“I know he ran out of here when I started crying. He thought I was pathetic. And he’s right.”

“If Spock did think that, then fuck him,” Bones said angrily. “There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. You’re upset. You’ve been hurt, you aren’t feeling well, and nobody, not even that stupid hobgoblin, is going to make you feel worse. Not while I’m around.”  

Jim smiled, it was forced, but at least he could make the effort. “Thanks, Bones.”

Bones smiled back at him. “I’ve got an Andorian flu epidemic going on so I can’t stay here but I’m going to have Christine come in and sit with you. She’ll give you some more medicine too. And I want you to try and rest.”

“I don’t need anyone to watch me, Bones.”

“Just for a little while. Until I’m satisfied the infection’s gone.” Bones squeezed Jim’s shoulder.  “Indulge me, Jim. Okay?”

Jim was ashamed he felt emotional again. He clenched his eyes shut.

“You’re going to be all right, Jim,” Bones assured him. “Have I ever let you down?”

Jim opened his eyes and shook his head. “Never.”

“And I won’t now.” Bones stood up. “I’ll be back later to check on you.”

The door beeped and Christine Chapel came into the room.

“You’re in good hands, Jim.”

Jim sighed as he watched Bones leave and then he tried a smile for Christine. She pretended it worked too.

****

Spock entered sickbay in search of Dr. McCoy. He clenched his PADD tight in his hands. All the biobeds were full. He found McCoy in a corner of the sickbay going over results.

McCoy looked up briefly. “Spock.”

“How is the Andorian flu going?”

“Barely under control but I’m getting there.”

Spock nodded. “I have received word from Starfleet command. I’ve had a course set for Starbase 11.”

“What?” McCoy frowned. “I thought they were allowing Jim to stay.”

“And indeed they are. We are not dropping off the captain, we are picking up a new first officer.”

“They’re replacing you?”

Spock would have rolled his eyes if he allowed his human side to show. “Negative. A temporary first officer as I am acting captain.”

“Oh.” McCoy nodded. “Anyone I know?”

“Yes, I believe you are acquainted. Lieutenant Commander Gary Mitchell. I am told the captain knew him in the academy.”

Dr. McCoy nodded. “That’s right. They were friends. Pretty close friends for a while. Gary, huh? That’s not so bad.”

“So he is a competent officer?”

“Far as I know. Haven’t seen him for a few years.”

Spock nodded. “That is all that we can ask.”

“Where are you going now?” Dr. McCoy asked, glancing up from his reports.

“Back to see the captain.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

Spock was brought up short. “May I ask why?”

“Jim knows you reacted badly to his crying, Spock. You left as soon as he started and he thinks you think it makes him weak or pathetic.” The doctor shook his head. “I don’t know what is in your head, but he doesn’t need to be more upset than he already is. For some reason he cares about your opinion.”

Spock blinked. “I…see.”

“So either stay away or get it together, Spock.”

Spock nodded and left sickbay. He was surprised that the captain thought what he thought about Spock leaving. He had left because Jim was crying, it was true. But it was because he could not bear Jim crying and being unable to do anything to help. It physically pained him.

Spock was displeased to see Christine Chapel sitting by his captain’s side. Jim was sleeping.

“I am here to relieve you,” he said quietly.

“Are you sure? Leonard said—”

“I just spoke to him.”

“Well.” She nodded, rising. “He’s been sleeping. His fever is very low.”

“Thank you.”

Spock waited for her to leave before he sat directly on the bed next to Jim. For a moment he just watched Jim breathe. Finally with a tremble he could not control, he reached his hand toward Jim’s face, gently stroking his fingertips along Jim’s cheek. “Ashayam,” he whispered. “I cherish thee.”


	10. Mr. Mitchell

Gary stepped onto the transporter on Starbase 11 in preparation for being beamed aboard the Enterprise. He was quite eager to begin his new assignment. He had been looking forward to this since Admiral Lee had contacted him.

Yes, the Enterprise was a fine ship with a fine crew. Ideal, really. And if her crew had been able to follow the leadership of James Tiberius Kirk they would have little trouble following Gary’s. He was much more qualified to command a ship than Kirk.

“Energize,” he told the man behind the controls.

A moment later he appeared on the ship. Waiting to greet him was the half-breed, Spock, and Dr. Leonard McCoy.

Gary had heard a lot about Spock and none of it had impressed him. He didn’t particularly care for aliens and Vulcans were no exception. He didn’t trust a single one of them.

As for Leonard McCoy, well…Gary had always thought him to be a bit too much of a yes-man to Kirk. If everything played out the way Gary thought it would—expected it would—he’d find a new CMO. A new first officer too. Spock and Leonard McCoy could be safely assigned to new ships.

“Leonard,” Gary said with a smile. “It’s been a long time.”

“Gary, it’s nice to see you,” Leonard replied with false pleasantness. Gary was not fooled. McCoy had never particularly liked Gary and the feeling was quite mutual.

“Commander Mitchell,” Spock said with absolutely no inflection in his voice. That was one of the things that creeped Gary out about Vulcans. That was definitely not normal. “Welcome aboard.”

“It’s great to be here. The Enterprise has an excellent reputation.”

“You will find we run an efficient ship,” Spock replied in the same creepy voice. He turned to a waiting yeoman. “Yeoman Parsons will show you to your temporary quarters.”

Gary did not miss, however, the very slight stress on temporary. Gary smirked but said nothing regarding that. He had other matters to get to first. “Thank you. But first, I was wondering when I will get to see Captain Kirk.”

“Captain Kirk?”

“Yes, Kirk and I are old friends. It’s been years since we’ve seen each other and unfortunately we didn’t really maintain contact. But given the circumstances I am particularly anxious to see his condition.”

“Circumstances?”

Gary was tempted to make a crack about Spock being some sort of parrot with his repetition, but instead, he widened his smile. “Kirk’s injuries. From what I have heard of them I cannot help but be very surprised he has remained on the ship. It’s very unusual for someone with those significant injuries not to be relieved of command. He might not even fully recover from what I have heard.”

“You have heard wrong,” Leonard cut in.

Gary tilted his head. “Perhaps I have. Which is another reason I cannot wait to see him. It will be such a relief to find that his injuries have been exaggerated and he’s well on his way to recover.”

“At present only medical personnel and myself are permitted to see the captain,” Spock said.

“Oh? And on whose orders?”

“Mine,” Leonard said. “As his treating physician.”

“And mine as acting captain,” Spock continued. “You can, of course, take it up with Admiral Komack if you choose, but it is likely by the time you receive a response, we will be approving visitors for the captain once more.”

Gary smiled and nodded. “I’m sure that won’t be necessary. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ll go and get settled and then report for duty.”

****

Spock watched Mitchell follow the yeoman out of the transporter room.

“Well that was weird,” Dr. McCoy said.

“Clarify, doctor.”

“All that stuff about wanting to see Jim.” McCoy sighed. “I don’t trust him.”

“I would say for good reason. We must be cautious.”

McCoy eyed him. “Yeah?”

“I am going to have a security guard placed outside the captain’s quarters.”

“You think he’d try to sneak in?”

Spock nodded. “It is entirely possible. The captain’s quarters are coded, but as you and I are both aware codes can be broken and reprogrammed easily.”

“Why would he go to all that trouble?” McCoy asked.

“As you said he cannot be trusted. I suspect he has ulterior motives for being assigned aboard the Enterprise. For the time being I suggest the only ones allowed in to attend the captain are you, me, and Nurse Chapel.”

“Are you attending him now?” McCoy asked sarcastically. He rolled his eyes. “All right. As much as I enjoy arguing with you, I have to agree this time.”

“Excellent. Now, I am going to visit with the captain.”

“The captain, huh? Not Jim?”

Spock arched a brow. “They are one and the same, doctor.”

“I know that. Do you?”

“I fail to understand your meaning.”

“That’s plain enough.” McCoy smirked. “Are you ever going to admit you have a thing for Jim?”

“A thing. Doctor?”

“Oh for Pete’s sake.”

Spock shook his head and left the transporter room with the doctor still sputtering.

****

When Spock entered Jim’s medical quarters he was surprised—pleasantly so—to see Jim awake and sitting up in the biobed.

“You are awake.” It was completely illogical to state the obvious and yet Spock found himself doing exactly that.

Jim smiled slightly. “So it would seem.”

He approached the bed. “You are feeling better?”

“A little yeah. Christine was just here and I guess my fever is just very slight now. She said it was a good sign.”

“Indeed. I find myself feeling relieved.”

“Admitting to a feeling, Spock?” Jim teased.

“You are quite aware I feel.”

“Yeah.” Jim’s smile faded. “Sit down, Spock. Your looming over me gives me a crick in the neck.”

“I apologize.” Spock pulled up a chair. “Are you experiencing pain?”

“No more than usual.”

“Explain.”

“It’s not any worse than it’s been since the accident.”

“Nor any better?”

Jim shrugged which was not a satisfactory response to Spock. But Jim smiled again and it was such a welcome sight that Spock found argumentative words froze in his throat.

“So, what’s up? Christine told me we picked someone up at Starbase 11. What’s that about?”

Spock nodded. “Actually I believe a friend of yours. Starfleet has appointed him temporary first officer during your recovery. Lieutenant Commander Gary Mitchell.”

“Oh.” Jim grimaced.

“You were not friends?”

“No, we were. At one time. I wouldn’t say we ended up that way at the end.”

“May I inquire as to what happened?”

“Last time I saw Gary we got in a fight.”

“An argument?”

Jim shook his head. “No. A physical fight. He almost broke my jaw.”

Spock squashed down his alarm. “Why did Dr. McCoy not advise me of this?”

“Bones wasn’t there. He was in Georgia at the time visiting his father during a break at the academy. I never really told him the details. Gary finished with the academy and got assigned to a ship. I haven’t really seen him since.”

“How close were you?”

“Are you asking me if we slept together?”

Well, he hadn’t meant to be so obvious about it, but Spock _was_ curious.

Jim didn’t wait for his reply.

“No, we didn’t. Gary wasn’t my type.”

Spock was uncertain if that meant Jim was not attracted to males or if it was simply Gary he was not attracted to. He had never understood when humans referred to a ‘type’. Nyota had referenced it before as well.

“So, anyway, Gary’s on board, huh?” Jim shook his head. “Keep your eye on him, Spock. I’m sure he’s fine now. Everyone matures. And he was always good at what he did. But just…be careful.”

Spock nodded “I intend to. I have already restricted his access to you.”

Jim raised both eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Indeed. He made vague references to your condition being severe enough to warrant you being off the Enterprise. I thought it prudent to prevent any excess visitors at present.”

“It’s wise to be cautious,” Jim agreed. He tilted his head. “Is there something else?”

“Captain?”

Jim bit his lip. “I just think…there’s something I know or should know and it’s like right there on the edge of my mind, but I can’t bring it forward.”

“I am certain if it is important you will recall it soon enough.”

Jim sighed. “I hope so.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really. Thirsty though.”

“I will bring you water.” And Spock stood.

****

Gary watched the door that Spock had just gone through after punching in what looked like some elaborate code. He had been about to approach the door himself when a security guard showed up to stand outside the room.

_Well played, Spock._

“Can I help you, Commander?”

Gary turned around to see a pretty, blonde in a blue mini-dress. He smiled. “Dr. Marcus, right?”

She smiled. “Yes, how did you know?”

“I recall you from some of the news reports after Khan destroyed part of San Francisco. You have my upmost sympathy on the death of your father. Despite everything, Admiral Marcus had many admirable qualities.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Her smile widened. “Was there anything you needed assistance with?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

She nodded. “Good day, Commander.”

She started moving on down the corridor and Gary watched the sway of her hips.

“Dr. Marcus,” Gary called after her. Then ran to catch up with her. “On second thought, perhaps you can assist me with something.” 


	11. The Talk

Jim was sitting up in bed, trying to eat what was supposed to be mashed potatoes. It tasted more like paste. Not that he knew what paste tasted like or anything. Lying next to him on the bed was a PADD. He’d finally been able to convince Christine to give him a simplified PADD to mess around with. It didn’t have his captain access but it sure as hell was better than nothing.

There was a slight hum and then the door to his medical quarters slid open. He expected to see Christine again so was surprised when Spock appeared once more.

“Mr. Spock.” He smiled.

“Captain.” Spock glanced first at the mashed potatoes and then at the PADD beside him. “Dr. McCoy has approved your use of a PADD?”

“Christine brought it for me.”

“That does not answer the question.”

“Do you think she would have brought it for me if he didn’t? Besides, it’s got nothing that interesting on it. You can see for yourself if you want.”

Spock arched a brow and reached for the PADD. Jim was annoyed that Spock decided to do just as Jim suggested.

“You really don’t trust me?” Jim asked with a frown.

“Generally I trust you implicitly,” Spock replied without looking up. “However when it comes to matters of your welfare, no.” He returned the PADD to its place beside Jim. “It would appear there is nothing to be concerned about.”

“Told you. Just some reading material and a few computer games. I can even play chess with the computer.”

“As long as you do not overtax yourself, I do not disapprove.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “How on Earth am I going to overtax myself? I can’t even get out of this bed. Yet. I think I should start trying.”

“You have only recently improved from your infection,” Spock pointed out.

“Blah, blah. I have to do it sometime.”

“You are irritable.”

“No kidding. You try being cooped up in bed all this time and see if your Vulcan control doesn’t slip a little bit out of the logic zone.”

The eyebrow shot up once more. “The logic zone?”

“Yep.” Jim grimaced at the potatoes. “Can you take these away? I’ve had enough.”

Spock took the bowl and disposed of it. He brought over the chair he usually sat in. “Captain—”

“I’m not on duty, you know. Not even close. So, I don’t know, maybe you could practice saying Jim.”

Spock inclined his head slightly. “When you have recovered, Jim, I would like to have a serious discussion.”

“With me?”

“Of course with you.”

Jim gave what he hoped was an encouraging smile. “You seem to have a captive audience now, Spock.”

Spock stared at him for a moment. “As you are no doubt aware, Nyota and I have chosen to end our relationship.”

Jim blinked. Felt his heart drop into his stomach. “You what? When?”

“It is recent. I assumed since Dr. McCoy knew of it that you would also know.”

“I didn’t. Why?” Jim shook his head. “That didn’t come out right. You don’t have to tell me. It’s just…you seemed to be doing well.”

“There was no specific disagreement,” Spock said quietly. “There were reasons why we did not suit in a romantic relationship.”

Jim tugged at his lip with his teeth. “So, um, what did you want to talk about? Wait, you don’t want a transfer, do you?”

“A transfer?”

Jim felt panicked. “I’m sure that’s not really necessary, is it? You guys can still get along.”

Spock’s eyebrows twitched. “I am not seeking a transfer.”

“Yeah?” Jim blew out a breath. “Okay. Good.”

“The discussion I wish to have with you concerns our own relationship,” Spock said quietly.

And now he was panicked all over again. Jim told himself he had no reason to panic. Spock couldn’t possibly know Jim was in love with him. This had to be something to do with their friendship. Had Jim crossed some Vulcan line? He was pretty sure he was too touchy with Spock, but it was hard not to want to touch Spock. He was Spock and—

“If you return my regard then—”

“Wait.” Jim’s eyes widened. “What? Your- _your_ regard?”

“That is what I have been telling you.”

“But it’s me…you-you, uh, like me?”

Spock did his lifted eyebrow thing. “My regard goes deeper than the human equivalent of like.”

“Are you saying—?”

“I have romantic feelings for you,” Spock replied, somewhat impatiently for a Vulcan. “Do you return them or not?”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I find nothing humorous about this situation.”

“Spock.” Jim huffed. “Have I ever told you that you frustrate the hell out of me?”

Spock straightened. “On a number of occasions. And believe me the feeling is definitely mutual on that score.”

Jim laughed. He couldn’t help it. They were both so ridiculous. “The answer to your question is a very obvious yes.”

Spock’s expression did not change. “So you return my romantic regard.”

“If that’s a fancy way of asking me if I’m fucking crazy about you, yes.”

Spock nodded. “That is a satisfactory response.”

“A what?” Jim frowned.

Spock stood. “It is time for me to return to duty.”

“I just told you I loved you and I get ‘that’s a satisfactory response. See you later, Jim?’” Jim asked, incredulously.

 “I have already expressed similar feelings, what more is there to say?”

“I don’t believe this.”

Spock arched a brow, turned and left Jim’s quarters without another word.

“A satisfactory response my ass,” Jim muttered. Next time he saw Spock he might punch his Vulcan nose. Or nerve pinch him. That would be good. Of course he had no idea how to do that little maneuver because Spock had refused to teach him.


	12. Tired of This

Spock finished his report to Admiral Komack on Jim’s improved condition as well as his suspicions regarding Gary Mitchell. He had other reports he needed to complete and file before he would be able to consider his duties completed for the day, but rather than attend to them, Spock decided he would go to see Jim once more.

Part of Spock wanted to put Jim in his own quarters so he could keep better watch over him. Spock had even considered moving himself temporarily into Jim’s medical quarters, but he was certain Dr. McCoy would not allow that.

It was illogical to want to watch over Jim anyway as there was little he could do different than what was already being done for Jim.

As Spock approached the door of Jim’s medical quarters he noticed Dr. Marcus talking to the guard standing outside.

“I’m certain a five minute visit wouldn’t harm the captain.”

“Well,” the security guard said hesitantly. “I suppose if it were only five minutes.”

“Martin,” Spock said as he arrived. “Do I need to have you relieved of duty?”

“No, no, sir.”

“No one besides Dr. McCoy, Nurse Chapel and I are permitted inside this door. No matter how much they attempt to convince you otherwise.” Spock glanced at Dr. Marcus who at least looked apologetic. He turned back to the guard. “Is that perfectly clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

Dr. Marcus shook her head. “Don’t blame Martin, Mr. Spock. I just want to be sure Jim is all right.”

“He is fine.”

“That’s a relief to hear, but then why can’t he have visitors?” Dr. Marcus asked.

“Because I, as acting captain, and Dr. McCoy, as chief medical officer, have decided to temporarily ban visitors. Once they are again allowed you will be advised.”

“Very well,” she said. “And you are certain he’s all right?”

“As I have said. In the future you will not attempt to circumvent direct orders, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, Mr. Spock. My apologies.”

He inclined his head and waited for her to leave the corridor before he accessed the door to Jim’s quarters.

As Spock stepped inside, he stopped in his tracks. Jim was out of bed, standing, and trying to remove medical equipment from himself.

“Captain—Jim!” Spock rushed to Jim’s side just as he began to crumble. “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting up, Spock,” Jim said angrily, sagging against Spock. “I’m sick of being confined to a goddamn bed.”

“Dr. McCoy has not given you clearance to do so.”

“The hell with Bones. It’s long past time I try to move. My damn muscles are atrophying.”

Spock gripped Jim’s arms. “I am aware you are frustrated—”

Jim’s eyes flashed blue fire. “Frustrated? Frustrated doesn’t begin to describe it. I’m _pissed_. And you are so not helping with your _satisfactory response_ bullshit.”

Spock blinked. “I apologize. But I was set to be on duty on the bridge.”

“Yeah, well.”

“Jim, I do not wish you to reinjure yourself.”

“Spock—”

“If you will lie back down, I will contact Dr. McCoy to come here. He will examine you and determine if it is advisable for you to begin to make small movements out of bed.”

Jim closed his eyes. “I’m just—I’m so sick of this.”

“I know,” Spock said softly

“I just want to be normal again.”

“You are normal. You are just temporarily injured.”

Jim opened his eyes and stared into Spock’s. “Promise? That it’s temporary.”

“I promise.” Spock leaned down to touch his forehead to Jim’s. “I will do all in my power to be certain of it.”

“Why am I so fragile?”

“Clarify.”

“Emotional. God, I feel like I’m on the brink of tears all the time.”

Spock eased back and assisted Jim to lie down on the bed. He rested his hand on Jim’s chest over his heart. “It has been an ordeal. For you. For me.”

“For you?” Jim whispered.

“I make no secret of my extreme fondness for you.”

Jim’s lips curved. “Extreme fondness, huh?”

Spock pursed his lips. “You would prefer a stronger declaration?”

Jim shook his head. “Actually no. I think that’s pretty damn strong for a Vulcan and definitely for you, Spock.”

“I would prefer you were on the bridge in the captain’s chair,” Spock told him.

“And what else?”

“To what do you refer?”

Jim grinned. “You know. You also would prefer I shared a bed with you.”

Spock almost gave into the all too human desire to roll his eyes. Instead he said stiffly, “It would be pragmatic to share sleeping arrangements between us.”

“Pragmatic,” Jim repeated.

“Certainly.”

“Why is that, Mr. Spock?”

“More space for other crew members.”

“Ah. Of course. Makes perfect sense.”

“Indeed.”

“Especially with your fondness for me.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re adorable.” Jim reached for Spock’s fingers and threaded his into Spock’s. “Call Bones, please? At least you could walk me around the room or something. Right?”

“Yes, Captain.” Spock nodded. But when he made to rise, Jim wouldn’t release his hand.

“Kiss me this time.”

Spock leaned over and down to place a very chaste kiss on Jim’s lips.

Jim sighed. “You really aren’t going to make this easy, huh?”

Spock rose when Jim released his hand and went to the comm on the wall to call Dr. McCoy.


	13. Spock's Request

“So, that’s how it is now, huh?” Leonard asked as he took in the appearance of his best friend and his Vulcan bodyguard. Jim was sitting up in the bed and Spock stood very close. Very much in Jim’s personal space.

“How what is, doctor?” Spock asked in his usual obtuse Vulcan way. An act, Leonard was certain.

“You two. You and Jim sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” Leonard sighed. “Oh, never mind.”

Spock stared at him. “Sitting in a tree, doctor?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Knock it off, Bones. Spock told you why we called you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leonard grumbled. “You’re throwing a fit and want to get out of bed.”

Jim looked at Spock, narrowing his eyes. “Did you tell him I was throwing a fit?”

“I would not have worded it that way,” Spock replied.

“I interpret.” Leonard eyed Spock. “Well, go on, get out of the way. I need to examine him.”

Spock stepped aside and Leonard took over his spot, running his tricorder over Jim.

“I suppose you want Spock to stay here while we go through this?” Leonard asked Jim.

“If he has nowhere else to be.”

“I do not,” Spock said.

“Swell. Lift up your shirt.”

Jim did as Leonard said without complaint, letting him poke and prod him, while Spock stood silently, but very nearby.

After about twenty minutes, Leonard stepped back.

“I’d still prefer you stayed in bed longer.”

“Bones—”

“Let me finish. But I’m reluctantly allowing you to begin to get up. Take some walks around the room.”

“Use the bathroom? Take a shower?” Jim asked hopefully.

“With the assistance of me or Christine, yeah.”

“I can assist, doctor.”

Leonard rolled his eyes. “How’d I know you were going to volunteer? I’ll keep a close eye on you. If I think it’s too much I reserve the right to change my mind and order you back to complete bed rest.”

Jim nodded. “Okay.”

“Doctor,” Spock said, stepping forward. “If you will allow it, I can stay with the captain in here when not on duty.”

Leonard shook his head. “No way.”

“Bones,” Jim started protesting.

“No. This is not Motel 6.”

“Motel—”

“Oh never mind, Spock. The point is, Jim has been severely injured and he’s not ready for shacking up.”

Spock stood straighter and very rigid. “You overstep your boundaries, doctor, if you imagine my suggestion of staying with the captain is for anything but ascertaining his continued wellbeing and recovery.”

Jim sighed. “All right, that’s enough, both of you. You’re bickering is giving me a headache.”

Leonard frowned at Jim. “Do you want something for that?”

“What I want is for you two to get out of here and leave me alone,” Jim said very pointedly. “I’d like something to eat and then I’m going to sleep. I don’t currently need to get up for any reason. If someone, I don’t care who, would check on me in say two hours, that would be great.”

“He gets a little testy sometimes,” Leonard said to Spock who raised an eyebrow.

“Apparently.” Spock moved to Jim’s bedside once more. He held out two fingers to Jim who met them after only a slight hesitation. “I will return.”

Jim nodded and smiled. “Okay.”

Leonard barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “I’ll be back, too, but don’t expect me to give you Vulcan kisses.”

“Trust me, Bones, I love you and all, but I don’t want kisses from you of any kind.”

“A relief to both of us,” Leonard replied.

Leonard followed Spock out of the quarters and waited as Spock left very stern instructions with the guard on duty.

Spock joined him a moment later.

“You eaten yet?”

“I have not,” Spock replied.

“Good. Let’s get something to eat.”

Spock glanced at him. “Very well.”

Leonard was pleased Spock had not tried to make an excuse not to join him in the mess. They both obtained meals, Leonard Salisbury steak—a particular weakness of his— and Spock a vegetarian omelet, and chose a small table in the back of the mess room.

“Is this where you play the overprotective father role on Jim’s behalf, doctor?” Spock asked after an awkward moment of silence between them.

“Pretty much,” Leonard admitted. “Somebody has to do it. Jim doesn’t really have any family. None that he speaks to anyway. And he acts all tough and cocky but that’s all a façade.”

“I am aware of all those things.”

Leonard nodded. “Then you know what and why I am asking.”

“I am certain you are aware Vulcans do not participate in casual relationships.”

“Is that what this is then? A relationship with Jim?”

Spock arched a brow. “What else, doctor? You yourself noticed the change in our status when you were in the captain’s quarters.”

  “Yes, but Jim might have expectations you don’t have. Or vice versa.”

“Perhaps, but what expectations either of us have in our personal lives is our own business, doctor.”

“Listen, you hobgoblin—”

“I will not hurt him,” Spock said quietly.

Leonard deflated. “See that you don’t.”

“I will not. In fact, I wish for you to reconsider allowing me to stay in his medical quarters. An additional bed can be brought in there as the room is large enough to accommodate it.”

“You aren’t medical personnel, Spock.”

“I am aware. However, I have concerns about my acting first officer.”

Leonard frowned. “Gary?”

“Yes. I have already advised you of my reservations concerning him.”

“Yes and I agree.”

“I believe he has already attempted to use Dr. Marcus to gain access to Jim.”

“What? Are you sure?”

“No,” Spock admitted. “A theory only as I have seen them conversing closely in the rec room. Dr. Marcus attempted to gain entrance by coercing a less than bright guard.”

“Damn.”

Spock nodded. “I have advised Admiral Komack of the situation.” Spock paused. “I have also advised him of the change in my relationship with the captain.”

Leonard blinked. “You did?”

“Of course, doctor. Regulations.”

Leonard did role his eyes then. “Of course. What did he say?”

“Congratulations.”

“About Mitchell,” Leonard said patiently.

Spock inclined his head. “He will make inquiries as to his purpose for requesting to be assigned aboard the Enterprise.”

“So he requested it.” Leonard shook his head. “Bastard.”

“And my request, doctor?”

“Fine. Granted.”

“Excellent.” 


	14. Insidious

Spock finished his tea and sent off the report due to Starfleet Command. He stood up and walked around the desk to gaze down at a still sleeping Jim. He was pleased to see Jim’s color was improving.

Earlier he had assisted Jim in getting up and walking into the bathroom. Jim’s smile had been so happy, Spock had felt warmed by a supernova.  Spock had even been able to coax him to eat something.

He sat on the edge of the bed and traced his fingertips over Jim’s brow. He would do whatever it took to protect Jim. From Mitchell. From Starfleet. Whatever and Whoever. Spock considered himself a pacifist by nature but Khan had certainly changed that. At least where Jim was concerned.

Jim’s blue eyes fluttered open. His tongue darted out to lick his dry lips. “Hey.”

“Hello, Jim.”

“Have you been watching me?”

“Only for a few minutes. I was doing reports.” He had already informed Jim that when he was not required to be on the bridge he would be in this room with Jim.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go out there and socialize?”

Spock raised his eyebrow. “With whom?”

“Um…Uhura? I don’t know. How’s that going anyway? Must be kind of weird.”

“She has accepted my affection for you.”

Jim smiled. “Affection?”

“Extreme affection.”

“I feel extremely affectionate about you, too.”

“You are teasing me.”

Jim grinned. “Someone has to do it.” The smile slipped from his face. “Are you okay?”

Spock did not pretend to misunderstand. He knew what Jim asked. “I regret that you were grievously injured in my place on the shuttle. If you had died—”

“I didn’t.”

“If you had…I do not know what I would have done,” Spock admitted. “I watched you die once and it nearly destroyed me.”

“I think it was better this way, Spock. Maybe it was Khan’s blood in me that helped me to survive. I don’t want to lose you either. I’m glad you weren’t on the shuttle.”

“Jim—”

“I’m recovering, Spock. It’s okay. And if all this finally got us to this…I am not going to complain.”

Spock leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Jim’s lips. “I must report to the bridge for a short time. I will return.”

“Okay.” Jim’s lips curved into a slight smile. “Don’t break my ship.”

“I will endeavor not to.”

Spock exited Jim’s medical quarters and was making his way down the corridor to the turbolift when a searing pain in his stomach stopped him in his tracks. He clutched the wall, as dizziness hit him.

“Commander, are you all right?” A passing ensign stopped to ask him.

“I need to get to sickbay now.”

****

 “Well, I have him stable anyway,” Leonard told Gary Mitchell an hour later in sickbay.

“What’s wrong with him?” Gary asked.

“He’s ingested a substance poisonous to Vulcans.” It was M’Benga who answered, as he came away from Spock’s biobed.

“Why would he do that?”

M’Benga eyed Gary. “I’m certain it was unintentional, Commander. We don’t even normally have that substance on this ship.”

Leonard looked at Gary. “In other words, someone intentionally poisoned Spock.”

“That’s terrible.” Gary shook his head. “I’ll have security conduct a thorough investigation. Will he recover?”

“Yes. Fortunately I know the antidote and am having it made up now. It takes a few days to work though,” M’Benga said. “Spock will need to spend that time in sickbay.”

Gary nodded. “Make sure he gets the best care possible, doctor. And now I guess that means as first officer, I’m acting captain now.”

Leonard’s heart dropped into his stomach. “Now just a—”

“Yes, Leonard? You have something to say?” Gary smiled. “Spock will only be here for a few days. There’s no need to worry.”

“This seems really convenient for you, Gary.”

“Convenient? Hardly. It means even more work for me on the Enterprise. But I’m up to the challenge, of course.”

“I’m sure,” Leonard said sarcastically.

Gary slapped Leonard on the shoulder. “I have a ship to run. Keep me posted on Spock’s condition, doctors.”

****

 The door to his quarters opened, and Jim looked over expectantly, hoping Spock was back since he’d been gone for a while.

“Hello, Jim. It’s been a long time.”

Jim stared at Gary Mitchell. “Gary?”

“In the flesh.” Gary bowed with a flourish. “You look pretty good, Jimmy. Better than I expected. I guess you are getting better.”

“What the hell are you doing here? How’d you get in?” Jim demanded.

“Well, see, as acting captain, I get to give anyone permission I want to come in here, and I gave myself permission. See how that works?”

“Where is Spock?”

Gary sighed. “Alas, Spock is out of commission.”

Jim sucked in a breath. “What have you done?”

“Don’t worry, Jimmy. I haven’t damaged him permanently. Your medical staff is quite efficient.” Gary smiled and came closer. “I’m not so certain they’ll be able to save you though.”

“What?”

“Oh, Jimmy, I’m afraid you’re about to have a relapse.”      


	15. Gary Mitchell

Leonard watched as M’Benga bent over an unconscious Spock. The other doctor had his medical tricorder out and was about to turn away, when Spock’s eyelids flew open, and he gripped M’Benga’s wrist.

“What the hell—”

“The captain.”

“You shouldn’t even be conscious,” M’Benga said.

Spock sat up. He made a shuddery movement and then focused on M’Benga. “I need to get to the captain.”

“The captain is fine, Commander,” M’Benga declared. “You’ve been poisoned and you need to lie down.”

“Spock, Jim is fine,” Leonard spoke up.

Spock merely pushed M’Benga away and rose to stand. “He is not. I must get to him.”

“Spock, you can’t—”

Spock whacked M’Benga with the back of his arm and the other doctor went crashing into the wall.

Leonard went to the comm on the wall. “Security to sickbay.”

But Spock was already moving out of the room.

****

 “What did you do to Spock?” Jim demanded.

“Vulcans are so predictable. And Spock in particular. He’s the only one who drinks that tea of his, so getting the poison into the replicator for his tea was easy enough. You remember, Jimmy. I’m as good at programming as you were. Maybe better.”

Gary stepped very close to him. He had a sick sort of smile on his face as he gazed down at Jim.

“I don’t think I have time to do to you what I really want to. I sent your guard away with a menial task, but he’ll be back and I don’t want him to hear you scream. I’d really like to make you scream.”

Jim licked his lips. “Gary—”

“Your time is up, James T. Kirk. Should have been up before, but they revived you. No one will do that this time.”

Gary pulled on a pair of gloves and then his hands reached for Jim’s throat. They closed around it, squeezing hard.

“I’m going to love watching you gasp for your last breath,” Gary said.

Jim saw spots before his eyes, as his vision narrowed. His hand slid under his pillow. Gary’s fingers tightened on Jim’s throat. His lungs burned. His legs thrashed desperately against the mattress.

Jim’s fingers finally clutched at the object he was seeking. He pulled it out from underneath the pillow and fired it at Gary. For several seconds Gary’s fingers twitched around Jim’s neck as his eyes widened in complete surprise. Then his grip around Jim’s neck loosened and Gary fell to the floor.

Jim drew in several lungful’s of air, his throat burning. 

The door to his room opened suddenly. Spock came in, followed almost immediately by Bones, and two security guards.

“Spock,” Jim said hoarsely.

“Jim.”

Jim flicked his hand in the direction of Gary. “Put him in the brig. And if he hits his head on the way, I won’t care.”

“Yes, Captain.” The guards picked up Gary and carried him from the room.

“Spock, Gary said he—”

Spock dropped to the floor.

“Spock!” Jim tried to get out of bed.

“Oh, no you don’t, hero,” Bones said, pushing him back, as two more guards, along with M’Benga hurried in. “Spock was poisoned by Mitchell, but he insisted on coming in to save you. Looks like he didn’t need to.”

“Is he all right?” Jim asked, trying to see around Bones.

“He will be, Captain,” M’Benga assured Jim. “As soon as I get him back to sickbay.” The other guards picked up Spock and they left with M’Benga.

“I need to go with Spock.”

Bones snorted. “You’re kidding, right?”

Jim frowned. “No, I’m not kidding.”

“You aren’t going anywhere, Captain,” Bones said. He pulled the phaser out of Jim’s hand. “Not that I’m not glad you had this or anything. But what the fuck, Jim? Where’d you get this?”

“Christine.”

“ _My_  Christine?”

Jim raised his eyebrows. “You have a Christine?”

“Just explain,” Bones grumbled.

“I had her bring me a phaser. Just in case.”

“In case?”

“Well, yeah. I’ve learned to expect the unexpected around here. And it’s a good thing. What did he use on Spock?”

“Used a poison that Vulcans are susceptible to. M’Benga has the antidote.” Bones shook his head and pulled out his tricorder. “Gary came in here to kill you, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. I think I surprised him.”

“You surprised me,” Bones replied. “Guess there’s more to your brain than mush.”

“Thanks,” Jim said. He winced. “Throat hurts.”

“No surprise there. You’ll probably have some bruising. Next time someone tries to strangle you, you might want to shoot them sooner.”

“Great advice.”

Bones smiled. “I’m not just a pretty face.”

“Is Spock really going to be all right, Bones?”

“Yeah, he’ll be fine. It may take a few days, but he’ll be okay.”

“That’s it, damn it.”

“What’s it?”

“I want my fucking PADD, Bones. And not just some pissy one with fucking mind games on it to keep me occupied with bullshit. I want  _my_  PADD with my command shit on it or I swear I’ll have you thrown in the brig with Gary.”

Bones opened his mouth to argue, Jim was sure.

“Bones!”

“All right, you win. You always win eventually.”

Jim grinned. “That’s why they made me captain.”

“They made you captain because Pike took a shine to you.”

“Whatever. Get me my PADD. And that’s an order. I’m running this ship from now on.”

“From your bed?” Bones asked with a smirk.

“I’m a better captain from my bed than most—”

“Don’t say it,” Bones said, backing up and holding his hands out. “Do not say it. I’ll see that you have your PADD.”

“Now.”

Bones rolled his eyes. “Yes, Captain.”

Jim smiled. “That’s better.”

Bones exited his room.

“Wait! I think I have to pee.” Jim sighed.  


	16. And in the End the Love You Take is Equal to the Love You Make

Spock woke with a definite sense of alarm. Something was very wrong. He searched through his mind for the source of his disquiet and then—

“The captain.”

Spock struggled to sit up.

“Hey, hey, don’t get up.”

Spock blinked as Jim came toward him in a wheelchair. “Jim?”

Jim grinned. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“You are…you are all right?”

“I am.” Jim slowly got out of the chair and stumbled somewhat to Spock’s biobed. “Lay down. You don’t want to incur Bones’ wrath, do you? Or worse. M’Benga’s.”

Spock lay down. “I do not understand.”

“Gary Mitchell poisoned you. But you’re going to be all right.” Jim stroked Spock’s hair off his forehead. “And Mitchell is in the brig.”

Spock searched his gaze. “He did not harm you?”

“Oh, he tried.”

“Jim—”

Jim shook his head and leaned down to kiss Spock’s forehead. “No, sweetheart, he didn’t. I took care of him.”

Spock closed his eyes briefly, relieved to know Jim had not been harmed when Spock could not protect him.

“How do you feel, Spock?”

“A little weak and my stomach is queasy, but otherwise functional. Should you be out of bed?”

“Probably not, but you know what a pain in the ass I can be,” Jim said with a bright smile. “I coerced Bones into it.”

“Yeah and he’s already regretting it,” Dr. McCoy’s voice came from somewhere behind Jim. “I told you to stay in that wheelchair, Jim. Jesus. Sit your ass down.”

Jim winced and stroked Spock’s jaw. “I think he means it.” He moved away from Spock’s sight and Spock could hear Jim sitting down in his wheelchair.

Jim’s pleasing face was replaced by Dr. McCoy’s unpleasant grimace.

“You need any pain medication?” McCoy demanded of Spock.

“I do not. I am prepared to be released.”

McCoy snorted. “Good for you, Spock. I think we’ll leave that decision to your doctors.”

“I would rest easier in my quarters.”

“I’ll check with M’Benga.” McCoy stepped away. “Jim, stay in that chair or you go back.”

“Yes, dear.” Jim wheeled his chair closer to Spock. “So, um, anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

“I am. And I am gratified to know that you are as well.”

“All right, Jim, back you go,” McCoy said, coming up to Jim’s chair. “Spock needs his rest. So do you.”

Jim sighed. “All right. Bye, Spock.”

“Bye, Jim.”

****

“Perhaps it would have been better if you stayed in bed,” Spock said quietly, as his hands gripped Jim’s biceps while Jim attempted to steady himself.

Jim frowned. “I can do this.”

“Then perhaps we should have brought you in the wheelchair.”

“No way. I have to face Gary like this.”

“Ashaya—”

“Spock, please? I know this is inconvenient but I really need to do this.”

“It is not inconvenient,” Spock assured him. “My concern is for you.”

Jim gave him a blinding smile. “You’ll be by my side?”

“Always,” Spock promised. He met Jim’s gaze, doing his best to convey how deeply he meant it.

Jim moved his hand to Spock’s jaw. “I can’t wait to learn every inch of you.”

“It will be my pleasure I assure you.”

“Of that I have no doubt.” Jim laughed and winked. “Come on. Let’s get this over with so we can get this son of a bitch off my ship.”

Spock nodded and Jim straightened away from him and walked stiffly around the corner and to the brig where Mitchell was waiting. Spock stayed close beside him.

Mitchell looked up at their approach. He smirked. “Well, Jimmy, looks like everything worked out just the way it always does. In your favor.”

“You’d think you’d be used to that by now, Gary. I’ve always been smarter, wittier, and better looking than you.”

“A bigger bastard too.” Mitchell gave them both an ugly look. “I should have killed both of you when I had the chance.”

“That’s the thing, Gary. You never really had the chance. Not with us. You were never going to get the Enterprise.”

“I was so close.”

“Now you can think about that while you are in prison,” Spock said quietly. “Your court martial trial has already been set.”

“Court martial?”

“You attempted to murder two Starfleet officers,” Spock pointed out.

“Jimmy, I’m gonna get out some day,” Gary vowed. “And I’m coming after you.”

Jim turned to go and then glanced back at Gary. “Admiral Lee has been demoted for his part in helping you get yourself assigned to my ship.”

Gary said nothing. Just stared balefully at Jim.

“He appears to hold a grudge against you,” Spock said as they left the brig.

“I was always better at everything than Gary was and he resented me. He was always trying to pick fights with me. Admiral Komack told me he requested the Enterprise after the Khan incident but they turned him down.”

“Wisely.”

“Guess he decided my being injured in that shuttle was the perfect opportunity.” 

“What will you do about Dr. Marcus?” Spock asked as they continued.

“Nothing. She confessed she allowed herself to be manipulated by Gary. She never really did any damage. And I think she’s been through enough.”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

Jim glanced at Spock. “You don’t agree?”

“She attempted to plot against you, however minor.” Jim stopped Spock and leaned against him. “Ashaya, are you all right?”

“Yeah. Just needed a moment.” Jim exhaled and then smiled. “Maybe we can go back to my quarters now.”

“It would be a good idea for you to rest. You are not yet cleared for duty. Even part time.”

“I know. But I wanted to deal with that.”

Spock took Jim’s arm and helped him to the turbolift. They made their way to Jim’s captain’s quarters.

“It’s good to be back in my real quarters,” Jim said as Spock helped him inside and over to the bed. Spock knelt before Jim to remove his boots. “I can do that, Spock.”

“It pleases me to assist you, t’hy’la.”

Jim smiled. “In case I haven’t said it a million times already, I adore you.”

Spock allowed himself a small smile. “I find you adorable as well.”

He stood and eased Jim to lie down.

“Rest, Jim. I will not break your ship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a little Beatlesy in the title.
> 
> The End. Thanks for reading.


End file.
